| (no subject) |
[Feb. 6th, 2007|01:41 pm] |
I never wanted you.
I never wanted two.
I know I told you I did
in front of witnesses.
And then we lit one wick,
but now I get my kicks.
I know you never suspected
because I never said
but Baby I was faking the whole time.
How could you ever have guessed it
with no accomplices?
That Baby I was faking the whole time.
You know it isn't like me to be inflammatory.
But rather than let you think that I was so naive
I'd have you believe
I never wanted you.
I never wanted two.
You never had my heart.
Our love was never true.
I know you never suspected
because I never said.
But Baby I was faking the whole time.
How could you ever have guessed it
with no accomplices?
Baby I was faking the whole time.
You know we never connected,
you only thought we did.
Baby I was faking the whole time.
Baby I was faking the whole time.
Baby I was faking the whole time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 6th, 2007|12:44 pm] |
I decided to quit smoking, Ciggarettes at least. it's gonna be fucking hard i already know it...
it's day 4 so far...
ugh...
getting my shit to gether before school starts, i always seem to try that im actually gonna do it this time. ughz
starting monday im running, actually running for more than 30 minutes too.
may 25th i can do this. <3
i smoke to much weed now wtf? |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 12th, 2006|03:34 pm] |
school is rather weird right now...im only taking 2 classes cuz it's mid quarter, im waiting on my loan...that commut is so horrid i hate it to death...stuck in a car for 2 and a half hours is just not fair specually when your always in 1st gear...owell?
there's to much to say and not i dont know how t ouse the words to say it... |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2006|01:37 am] |
i start art school tomorrow...
im so nervious...
and not all that money stuff is dont yet...
egg.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 10th, 2006|04:58 am] |
wow i almost completely forgot about this?
heh e-mails are funny...life is weird...
i sit infront of this screen for a better part of a day. i lost my job, but i got another one?
well not written in stone, but the odds are good...i have enough money to last this month and pay all my bills...
wow my moms leaving for utah....not even sure if i was spose to go...i mean she wanted me to...and i kinda did i have cusin's i've never met....wow there's just alot going i guess and i sit infront of this screen playing this game which i am addicted to....
on a plus note i've lost 6lbs. cuz i work out now....i just cant forget to keep doing that.........
egg...wts she's getting married, and the other one is fucking pregnaut and forgets that im still here for her but her fucking pitty can only be so much........ |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 11th, 2006|10:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
should i even care?
i wanna escape so fucking badly...
someone asked me to go up to washington i would if i wouldnt get fired from work.
i was spose to go to canada this summer...i fucking have been wanting to for so fucking long...but i cant cuz i work.
i need a job so i can move out, i need to move out cuz i need to be free...i need to be free cuz i always feel like im trapped....
i was spose to fucking go to art school after HS i had all the shit filled out n everything....all that was missing was the money...
always the fucking money... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 11th, 2006|05:19 pm] |
everything feels gone now.
well at least the friendships i've worked for, friends i currently hang out with...James...
thats it...and half the time he's to busy with his g/f or i dont wanna be a third wheel with them like going to the movies it not fun plain and simple.
i dont know anymore things just seem to be getting worse/worse/worse. i bitch but i have a right too, cuz i CAN. thats my right to bitch the soul rason i can bitch so im gonna do it. the people at work are different. it seems like they really have nothing wrong with thier lives so they find little pointless things to make a concern, and if it isnt that it's the peoole who want to be incharge. i brush it all off. i've been taking vicadine before work this whole week just so i can feel something. i dont think im druggy even tho i'd like to be one. this summer isnt what i hoped it to be at all. it's already starting off pretty lame actually. my days off are a monday night tuesday night wtf can you do with that? exactly nothing.
i guess im gonna do what jackie SAID she was gonna do and meet new people that seems to be my only hope for some type of social engagement. i mean there's nothing else i can do. i honestly cant wait till i can move out, it's gonna be fun, just cuz of the freedom and things i CAN do. im 19 years old it bugs me alot when my mom fucking interrgates me. asking me 20 questions cuz i went to go out and buy a pack of ciggarettes she's annoying and is home all day, i get bitched at about money. i get asked to do shit i dont really wanna do. im not gonna do yard work plain and fucking simple. im not gonna pay these bills cuz i dont get any freedom here, so why should i help out. i got my first paycheck it's already gone. 400$ went quick and my mom thinks i can help her pay all her fucking bills cuz she wants to go back to school, she has been, she failed her classes cuz she's to stubborn to ask for help. she is a stubborn person and anti social. i dont know why she doesnt talk to any of her relatives i'd love to fucking have a cuzin i can talk to. something. but noo....i dont got shit. she invites my brother over, he comes to my room and fucking goes threw everything expecting to find someting "new" that i have gotten. his fucking apartment is paid for. what the shit is that. how are you gonna kick him out than pay for his fucking apartment just cuz he's a "student" thats some pure niggerbullshit. it pisses me off grately. so it feels like everything i use to have is gone now. simple as that. what ever.
the only nice thing i have in my life is my thoughts but those play tricks on me, i had a dream where i was happy, than i woke up feeling sick to my stomach cuz i knew it wouldnt happen.
and i never get enough sleep anymore. my eyes burn to much for what i do. |
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| to use or get used |
[May. 4th, 2006|11:59 pm] |
thats life...
taking as much as you can and giving as little as you can back.
NOT
no no thats not life thats fucked, thats what that is.
i have came to the conclusion....that maybe im just sick of everything right now.
i got really fustraited today not sure why...
who knows....
i dont even know who i like...which is kinda confusing, lets say.......
she only talks to me when everything in her life is fucked up....and someone she manages to get her self in these fucked up situations..
than thiers that person who i use to like...dunno why she's even talking to me?
prolly cuz i said "FUCK YOUUUUUU" to someone and thier friendship and she wants her to be annoyed by it?
i can read you like a book.....but hey...im like that too, well cept for i dunno....i might be alot more fucked up than you think...
these friends...i seems i have them, but for how long?
and even why..................who knows...
life is fun sometimes i say just start enjoying it now. i have alot to loose. i wonder what it's really like reaching rock bottom.
i dont even wanna know what that's like. but im sure it's a unpleasent feeling...
why am i not working out anymore...i really should be... |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 3rd, 2006|08:17 pm] |
im 19..
i dont feel any different
so i tried to be a friend to an ex...
haha...not gonna happen....
it was going good, but when a joke it's made into something to complete BULLSHIT
by her piece of shit boyfriend cuz he feels the need to dominate his masculenty than who knows...
i dont care not my problem...well it is...
but i think it was something she called me "a fucking loser" that kinda bugged me...not sure why...
probly cuz i've been trying to hard to make my life better than what it has been and i think that im not doing a good enough job
but thiers only so much i can, i got a job
thiers a start right?
i dont go out and get fucked up?
thats healthy...i dont have a social life cept for james but that can be on and off so meh
there's one more gap i wanna feel i guess...that whole lonelyness i have in my life...it sucks i try and fill it but it's never the same
i mean i try for girls but only to get shot down.
shit im trying to impove that work out and change my habbits i dont smoke as much which is good im fucking exorsising...but i dont know if it's enough...
i dont know anymore im just fucking tierd of being so alone i guess......
what ever...maybe i'll meet someone who i can be happy with but im sure like everyone else they'll be hung the FUCK up cuz im oh so lucky...
i felt like posting this here... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 26th, 2006|10:23 pm] |
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google sattlite is the ultimate spy |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 16th, 2006|12:29 am] |
plans!!!!!!!1
i've got them...i've got alot of them?
to many and to few thinking them over...isnt enough anymore...
were just people right?
right...so than i've came up with my own and i like them...getting thier is hard...im doing good on this whole exorcising thing...ima be a sexy bitch haha...well not really
but i know i can be something better than what i am now...and when i get there...how evil and fucked up do i wanna be?
all this rejection is just gonna eventually turn me into a guy that will just use women...i dont want that...why the fuck should i even be like that?
thats what my dad is...thats what fucking jared is/was. those guys are the real peices of shits...
james knows, even if you doubt him me and him were the same even if were opposites but we both know we are. we have the same idea's of what a real friend should be. and set standers a person should have i like how it's set like that. it's even better tho cuz we help eachother out. being around him and his family really shows me what it's like to have a real family rather than the 2 people im living with now. cuz thats what it feels like. i like hanging out with him and his g/f even if i am a 3rd wheel sometimes...not all but some cuz it's a welcoming feeling that they make me feel. he knows that. and our ways are the same so it's good? healty...
anywho my plan...well right now
im doing good on the whole weight lose real good infact.
now thats part of image...i shaved...it's meh...takes getting use to but it's whatever...
and now my hair...it's cut...normalized for the "man" and his ways...the ways society has placed us to beleive that what normal is?
i mean i like having long hair thats all fucked up.
im a grungy type of guy...i dont take care of myself but im not all fucked up at the same time i dont have acne and im not a whore.
simply put as that. i cuss...i smoke ciggarettes. i can be phisical when i wanna be...im a active person but around people that i wanna be activie around...
one time i was on the fone with kari...i was hyper...she called me weird and hung up...probably cuz your only use to me being sad.
honestly im pretty fucking random it's funny it's FUN try it sometime and dont fake it ha!
anywho so my birthday is comming up in 16 days...i wonder what that will be like...i dont have any plans i wanna hang out with certian people i want some sort of recognition but i doubt i will get any...who knows?
last years was pretty kewl i liked it...even tho it wasnt anything special it was special to me cuz i've never had one like that...all of mine suck...my 17th birthday i stayed home and watched my brother smoke pot the whole nite only for him to get mad at me for not having my liecense to go out and buy him food...i think i got a gatorade for that birthday...sad but true...
this year im gonna ask my mom...more like tell her to make up for the past shitty ass GIFTS...cant even call them gifts...she has gotten me...and tell her to get me a digital SLR camera...there expense...like $700+ but fuck it...i like technology im a nerd.
I LIKE WATCHING MOVIES doesnt matter with who...if your down to at least SIT threw a movie it's good.
jeremy USE to be like that...USE to...but other people arnt this gurl on myspace who im friends with had a horror movie watching marathon i was jealous...really jealous...i wanna do shit like that! it's fun...i dunno why people get weired out...mainly the opposite sex when i wanna hang out with them. it's....NICE to be around the opposite sex cuz there just different i mean. I HAVE ALOT OF GUY FRIENDS...im over it...i wanna hang out with gurls cuz they do kewl shit and have different ways? i guess you can say...
there is this photogapher on deviant art...i like how he takes his pictures...he gets a model..makes them look pretty or do what ever takes there pics...i wanna do shit like that...i wanna make weird ass short films...i just need the people? well the people can be easy but someone who is willing to be commited at least...and actually get into with me.
well right now...im looking for a job and hopefully soon really soon i will be a valet driver for this casino. ya that would be really nice actually...tips, minimum tips is 60 a day cash...maximum my friend has gotten one nice was 300$ thats nice really nice. i hate money but i need it. there is way to much i wanna get and use...i like doing shit like that.
james wants to goto hair skewl cuz he's good with it. me and him are ARTISTIC. we have been we just have different types of creativity mine...i can think it up. seeing in my mind is harder for me tho. say like...fashion...im better at fashion than him.
but he is better at stlying than me. teh end.
but makeup is fun haha. face painting is fun i like it.
we have alot of white face paint left over from that 80's party...who wants to be a mime? I DO!!!
i think i will...i just need a better aperiance. thats all...
so my hair...we thinned it...cut it...and sorta layerd it?
it's different than we straightend it...
i wanna buy a straightning iron...
im different...
barking spiders are not my cup of tea.
<3
nigger |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 4th, 2006|09:12 pm] |
i wanna dissapiar for a good week...
i honestly think i am...
bye |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 2nd, 2006|04:03 am] |
wow...
and i decide my day upon running 2 miles...
wow... |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 9th, 2006|09:22 am] |
Sometimes all I really want to feel is love
Sometimes I'm angry that I feel so angry
Sometimes my feelings get in the way
Of what I really feel I needed to say
If you stand in a circle
Then you'll all have a back to bite
Back logged voices on the 7 wonders
We're all so funny but he's lost his joke now
A communication from the one lined joke
A stand up comic and a rock musician
Making so much noise you don't know when to listen
Why are you judging people so damn hard
You're taking your point of views a bit too far
I made my shoes shine with my coal
But the polish didn't shine the hole
If you stand in a circle
Then you'll all have a back to bite
Back logged voices on the 7 wonders
We're all so funny but he's lost his joke now
A communication from the one lined joke
A stand up comic and a rock musician
Making so much noise you don't know when to listen
Think it over
There's the air of the hype of the highrollers
We're coming to getcha
Think it over
You aint got nothing till ya know her |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 24th, 2006|02:17 am] |
wtf?
since when the hell do i think about her all the time?
haha.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 9th, 2006|03:15 am] |
this you tube thingy...
it's kinda interesting. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 7th, 2006|12:54 am] |
yeah i get it, i get the whole sad story.
i am the down note. waiting for my pick me up.
never herd a song so lonley...
"Wow!" said the broken Californian down
On the beach that used to be by the beach
Town hasn't moved but's getting closer, losing ground
Making better views and close relaxing sounds
Ground sure don't like the way it's treated so now
It's moving back to the sea
Plan to hitch a ride with the river
Cuz deep down plumbing life is too cramped for me
I got wood legs and bow legs and no legs at all
Goddamn! Would you accept a collect call?
Oh no, I don't understand
I got sore eyes and poor eyes and no eyes at all
Goddamn! Would you like to take a fall?
No I don't like this plan
It was a staple of brass tacks and waxed backs
A memo left on the forehead of God
Sent sealed and signed by the A saints who sang this song:
"We're going union like they say
We'll buy the congregation
Then one day, you'll find us sitting
in your chairs with big ideas of stocks and shares." |
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